


Identities Revealed

by Bittersweetsins2K17



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, South Park: The Fractured But Whole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 18:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11190843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bittersweetsins2K17/pseuds/Bittersweetsins2K17
Summary: A fic I found that I had written over a year ago.





	Identities Revealed

Staring down at the streets of South Park, Colorado from the top of a building was one of the most favorited things, I, The Coon, loved to do in my spare time. Technically my “spare time” was just keeping an eye on the usually busy streets of South Park, Colorado. Tonight the city was different, a bad different. The streets weren’t occupied, it was silent, and basically the city appeared as if it was deserted. Now don’t get me wrong, I marveled the view from atop these buildings at night, but this was just suspicious. You see, this city is a dying whore, she calls out for me to save her and I just don’t know if I can. I have now decided that my main priority was to keep this city from falling apart. The fate of this city lies in my hands. I inhaled deeply and raked my gaze gradually across the whole city but something caught my eye. Someone was standing right fucking there, down the building from me, staring off into the city, and in the same fucking position as I was a few moments ago!  
“Goddamnit! Who the Hell are you?” I furiously shouted to the person.

The ominous person veered around to face me, where the moonlight shined upon him, giving me a full view of him. He didn’t respond, but just smirked and eyed me as if he knew me or something.

“Okay dumbass, what are you doing here?” I pressed.

“I’m assuming the same reason you’re here,” his voice was deep but soft, as if he were some sort of mysterious person.

He wore a hooded cloak that casted a shadow over his face, only showing his eyes and maybe even his mouth. He had a purple long-sleeved shirt on with a green “M” on the front. His green gloves and boxers (which happened to be over his purple pants) matched the “M” on his shirt and the huge dorky question mark at the top of his goddamn cloak.

“I was here first dumbass,” I snapped, shoving him back.

“The name’s not dumbass, it’s Mysterion,” he corrected, brushing himself off.

“Oh my fucking God Craig is that you? Only Craig would make such a retarded name like that,” I questioned.

“I may be Craig but I may not be,” he responded.

“Kyle is that you? I knew it was you, you little bastard. You hate me so of course you’d do this,” I found myself getting more irritated by the second.

“Only Eric Cartman hates Kyle Broflovski, he also assumes Kyle Broflovski hates his guts, and he’s a fatass. You must be Eric Cartman,” he inferred, giving me a smug look as he observed me.

“Well you’re wrong, I’m not Eric Cartman and he’s not a fatass! I have a secret identity,” I defended myself.

He chuckled.

“Stan, Stan is that you?” I circled around him.

“Nope.”

“Clyde. Clyde listen to me, you’re not a superhero, Clyde,” I guessed desperate to find out who this “Mysterion” actually was.

“It’s amusing to watch you fail at trying to reveal my true identity, Eric,” he chuckled even more.

“Ah fuck! Then who are you?” I clenched my fists.

“Mysterion,” he replied coolly.

“Well sorry to break it to you but I was here first Mysterion,” I growled and then added, “that means I’m going to have to get rid of you.”

“Have it your way,” he chuckled and then disappeared.

Maybe not disappeared, but almost vanished right before my eyes, leaving me stunned. As soon as I saw him it was his fist coming down right between my eyes. An instant pain shot through my head and I staggered back losing my balance, my vision blurring. I found myself flat on the top of the building, my eyes just centimeters from a pair of stormy, blue-grey eyes. A new weight, that wasn’t mine, was suffocating me. I couldn’t struggle from Mysterion’s grip, he had me pinned like a predator about to make the kill on its prey. I gained consciousness and realized that my left hand wasn’t pinned so I forced it up to grab his arm. Once I had a firm grip, with all my might, I flipped off of me and got to my feet quickly. Before he could fully recover and get off the ground, I jumped onto his back and then st on him, forcing him to lay down. I heard muffled cursing coming from him, except for his voice was more high-pitched and sounded very familiar. I then lifted up his head and pulled off his hood and mask to see Kenny McCormick, my best friend.

“Kinneh?” I asked, becoming guilty of what I had done.

I got off of him sluggishly and helped him up, blood plastered to his hair and leaking out of his mouth and nose areas. I shivered with disgust as I saw a blood clot dried on the corner of his nostril. He sniffled and wiped his face with his arm, not taking his narrowed eyes from the ground.

“I’m so sorry Kinneh, I didn’t know it was you,” I apologized with heavy guilt and devastation, “I just never thought-

“And that’s how I know you’re Cartman,” he returned to my gaze with his sexy smirk.

“You’re Mysterion?” I asked in awe.

“No shit,” he answered and then added a bit harshly, “look I was here first. I’m the hero of this city, not you.”

“That’s not fair, Kinneh! I swore to protect all mortals from the dangers here in South Park,” I argued.

“So have I, and quite frankly, you’re breaking your code,” he stated.

“Oh yeah and how is that?” I challenged.

“Who’s protecting you from the dangers here in South Park? You’re a mortal, Eric and there’s nothing you can do about it,” he pointed out.

“Well then you’re breaking the code too!” I retorted.

“That’s where you’re incorrect,” he grinned and added, “I have something you don’t.”

“And what is that?”

“I can’t die,” he revealed.

“That’s not true,” I disputed.

“Oh but it is true.”

“No it is not!”

“YES IT IS!”

“GODDAMNIT KINNEH, I’VE BEEN THERE, I’VE SEEN IT HAPPEN! I SEE YOU DIE AND THEN COME BACK THE NEXT DAY! I WAS THERE WHEN YOU LAUGHED TO DEATH, I WAS THERE WHEN YOU WERE PULLED APART IN FOOTBALL, I WAS EVEN THERE WHEN YOU WERE GONE FOR A WHOLE YEAR AFTER YOU DIED AND I THOUGHT IT WAS MY FAULT! SO NO, IT’S NOT TRUE! YOU CAN AND HAVE DIED!” I screamed at him, tears streaming down my face.

My shaking was uncontrollable, my face burned, I couldn’t stop crying, and my fists wouldn’t unclench. Kenny stared at me with disbelief and just froze almost, he looked as if he saw a ghost. I had never been able to let that out, about how much it damages me to see my childhood friend die and die and die almost every day and then come back to life the next day. Some nights I couldn’t even sleep, wondering whether he’d come back this time or if he was gone forever. Yes, it’s true I do care about my friend, it does hurt me when he dies, I, Eric Cartman, am a human being and I have feelings too. Everyone just made it out as if I was some terrorist/extremist with no heart or soul. That just wasn’t true, or at least I hope it isn’t. I finally collapsed on the ground, mostly from exhaustion caused by the break down I was having. My palms sweated, I’m pretty sure I blacked out in that moment because I was gradually starting to forget how this even started. Kenny still stood there but now had his gaze fixated on me, the pathetic, fatass, Hitler spawn, heartless Eric Cartman. Honestly, why was he even my friend? I’m not even a likeable person and here he was, with me through thick and thin, whether he was dead or alive. I buried my head in my arms and knees, slightly embarrassed and slightly afraid, slightly wishing I would just disappear. Suddenly, a warm hand rested on my back and I heard a sigh from right next to me.

“Eric, where do I even begin? I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you felt that way,” Kenny’s un-muffled, comforting, and sweet voice came from beside me, “you’re right, I can die but I can come back. Basically, I’m what they call immortal. That’s why I can protect all mortals, I don’t count as one, but you do. You’re included in that long list of people I have to protect, one of the most important people in fact.”

“Really?” I turned to meet face to face with his sympathetic gaze.

“Really. You have to understand that you can’t interfere with me or any dangers, you have to do me a favor and look after yourself, for me,” he said.

“But I hate not being there to save you. I want to be a hero, it’s not fair that I can’t be like you. Everyone thinks I’m a horrible person, practically a walking spawn of Satan. Being a superhero, being The Coon, and saving people, makes me feel like I’m not such a devil all the time,” I sniffled.

“Being immortal isn’t any easier on me than it is on the others I love and those who love me. You don’t need to be a hero to be a great person, you’re already a great person, Eric,” he put his arm around me.

“I am?

“You are,” he concluded.

“Wanna head to my house? My mom will clean us up and we can play the PlayStation 3 or the XBOX One,” I asked him.

“Nah, I’m good,” he took off his cloak, laid down and used it as a pillow.

I followed his stare to the sky, it was marvelous. He offered half of his “pillow” and I accepted. Laying down beside him, I observed the constellations with him in silence. But this silence wasn’t eerie this time, it was peaceful.

“Move over fatass, I need some of that pillow too!”

“I’ll 'move over fatass' you!” I shoved him gently.

Instead of doing what I expected him to do (shove me back), he did quite the opposite. He yanked on my costume and kissed me. Kenny McCormick (aka Mysterion), made out with I, Eric Cartman (aka The Coon). Both of our identities had been revealed.

**Author's Note:**

> Ew


End file.
